“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.”
~ Joyce Brothers
I love this quote for many reasons.
- When manipulation stops, then love can come into play.
- Love comes when you dare to be vulnerable. When you ‘dare to be vulnerable,’ that’s you making a conscious effort to open your heart and give to the other person…which allows space for you to receive love as well. In nature, when there’s a void, it must be filled. So, when you pour out love toward someone else, you’re literally making space to receive love from others.
- She uses the word “reaction.”
A reaction is a pre-rational emotional reply to a situation or event. And just like a reaction is based on emotion, so are relationships. Relationships are based on emotion. And your emotions are formed within your heart, not your mind. You see, we don’t fall in love based on rationality; we fall in love based on our emotional reaction and connection with that other person. And when you’re in a place of emotional connection and love, you’re naturally going to be vulnerable and reveal yourself more fully. And when you’re in that emotional state, there’s no way that you can be manipulative. Just like the quote said, “love comes when manipulation stops.”
Personally, I don’t think it’s worth your time to chase a person that plays hard-to-get. I really don’t because if that person is playing hard-to-get, that’s not them testing you to see how bad you want them, that’s them acting out their subconscious feelings by testing to see if you will go along with their games and bullshit and to see if you’re willing to be manipulated.
It’s an early red flag because you’re getting a taste of what it will be like to actually be in a relationship with that person. And more often than not, it will be a relationship filled with drama.
But hey, if you’re into that drama and stress, knock yourself out but if you’re like me, then a relationship should feel light. If it feels light, then it allows you to expand…it allows the relationship to expand. But if your relationship starts off with drama and manipulation, it’s going to feel heavy and stressful. And if you ask me, I feel that relationships, no matter what kind of relationship it is, should be natural.
I’m not saying that a relationship won’t involve some work to make it flourish, it will, but if you feel that the work is heavy and stressful and therefore you feel constricted, you won’t want to do it. And if you don’t want to do it, then that’s your heart saying that there’s something better for you somewhere else…you just haven’t started listening to it yet.
Now, don’t get me wrong here, the word “manipulation” often has a negative connotation, but it can and does have a positive and beneficial advantage as well. It’s all in how a person’s manipulation and influence is used. The same holds true for money. Some people think that money is evil, but it’s not. It’s the intention behind the use of the money that’s evil…just like the intention of the use for manipulation within a relationship.
Keep in mind that some of the world’s most influential leaders were positive manipulators. That includes:
- Martin Luther King
- Gandhi
- Mother Teresa
So, in a positive sense, manipulation of another person to take action that will benefit that person is sometimes needed to motivate or progressively persuade that person to do something that will be good for them. Furthermore, positive manipulation is the act of manipulating yourself into whatever wonderful shape you desire and at the same time, ridding yourself of the negativity that prevents you from being positive in the first place. It’s a win/win situation for you.
Thoughts? I’d love to hear ’em!
Philip Douthett
The Men’s Marriage Mentor
