The Obvious and Hidden Costs Of Divorce

Entering into divorce proceedings can be expensive. I say “can be expensive” because there are divorces that are inexpensive such as amicable and uncontested divorces.

With that said, you must realize that there are very few ways to reduce the standard hard costs of a divorce.

Before getting into the hidden costs, let’s outline the more obvious standard financial costs of divorce.

According to www.lawyers.com, the average cost of a contested divorce in Michigan is $12,900. In California, it’s $17,500. Utah is $13,200, New York is $17,100, North Carolina is $13,100, and Texas is $15,600.

Those are just the BASIC COSTS!

The national average, here in the United States, for a divorce is $15,000 PER PERSON!!!

THAT’S $30,000 PER COUPLE!!!

And what if you have children? The price and complexity exponentially compounds!

It can go way up, creeping into 6 figures and even 7 figures for the ultra-wealthy. Even the low end of that average can be devastating to the financial future of the couple. (We’re going to dive into this deeper so keep reading)

A vast majority of those costs are eaten up by lawyers, administrative and court fees, mediation, and the filing fee itself – which is usually just a few hundred dollars.

Those average costs:
A. Are going to increase as time goes on
B. Don’t factor in the hidden costs
C. Only reveal part of the story

And guess what, if you run out of money to pay the lawyer partway through the divorce process, the whole process comes to a screeching halt!

Then what?

You’re left in limbo with money that you’ll never get back and a life-altering situation that isn’t resolved.

It’s dreadful!

No wonder so many people go into debt and lose a great deal of time, money, and assets during and after a divorce. People sell their valuables just to get the money to pay for the costs in order to reach a final resolution.

But we’re told that this “process” is the easy way out.

Just give up, walk away, and get a divorce because…the grass is greener on the other side. NOT ALWAYS!

How is it easy when there’s so much pain? So much anger? So much bitterness?

Anyway, let’s break things down a little…

Hiring an attorney

This is often the most expensive aspect of a divorce, with lawyer fees averaging ¾ of the total financial expenses. If the divorce is uncontested or amicable, you can keep the lawyer fees fairly low, but if there’s going to be a battle, you better lawyer up and be prepared to open your wallet wide.

It’s NOT uncommon for the lawyer of the spouse who earns less to demand that the other spouse who earns an income that exceeds their personal reasonable needs to purchase home goods, a car, or even a new home for the lesser-earning spouse. The goal is to reduce assumed net worth and make the life of the lesser-earning spouse better after the divorce is final. In other words, the spouse who earns the most income is often the one in the most financial danger during the divorce process.
National Average: $9,900

Mediation

This is a third-party individual (or group for high net worth couples) that work independently to sort out the details of the divorce. This person (or group) cannot make any legal divorce decisions, nor can they force any type of judgment upon the couple. Although this option is less expensive than court proceedings, a typical mediator still charges an average of $300 per hour for their services, with an average of 2.5 hours of working time.
National Average: $750

Filing fees

This is often the least expensive aspect of a divorce, with a national average of only a few hundred dollars. However, if there are children involved, the paperwork gets more complicated and the fees begin to pile up.
National Average: $450

Estate Planning

More lawyers for this process… Quite often, a couple will list each other as the beneficiaries of assets upon death. If you’re going through a divorce, legal fees and court costs will start to add up as these estate planning, death benefit (life insurance or pension benefits), and recipient documents need to be amended.

Not only is this step expensive, it’s also time-consuming. Personally, this is a step that should always be handled by a lawyer because if this is done incorrectly, the consequences can adversely impact your legacy and hurt you financially and morally.
National Average: $2,100

Private Investigator

A private investigator is often brought into the divorce process to gather proof of infidelity, theft, or even abuse. PI’s can fetch anywhere from $50-$250 per hour, although some will offer packages that fit your requests at various prices.
National Average: $1,800

If you total up all the average costs above, you get $15,000 . . . PER PERSON!

Again, that’s $30,000 PER COUPLE!

Now, I will say that the mediation costs and estate planning costs are usually split between the two parties and the filing fees are paid by the spouse who files for divorce.

But the rest of the standard costs? They’re per person.

The hidden costs are the little things that very few people think about…but they add up.

1. Cost of transportation, usually gas and wear and tear on your car, traveling to and from court, the lawyer’s office, and other divorce-related activities.

2. Time off of work to deal with the divorce. This may not impact you much if you have PTO to burn, but if you don’t, this can equate to lost income. Also, dealing with a divorce isn’t the ideal way to use PTO for most people.

3. Moving-related expenses can add up. If you have to rent a truck to move your items, that can be pricey…and a lot of work – furniture isn’t lightweight!

4. Parking fees! Many cities have courthouses within city limits and you will have to pay a meter or parking garage to park your car while you’re in court.

5. If you’re forced to get your own house or apartment, you have to come up with the initial deposit, which is usually 2 months’ rent, and other fees related to securing a new place to live.

6. Home goods are usually purchased during and after a divorce. People, both male and female, often like to start anew by purchasing new decorations, furniture, wardrobe, and electronics.

7. Your time! This resource is finite and you can never get it back no matter what!

8. The pain your divorce will cause the children and your family. This goes without saying and there is no numerical value that anyone can assign to this aspect.

9. Following along the lines of the previous point, alimony and/or child support can be brought upon you. The chances that you are required to pay alimony and child support are 8 times greater if you’re the man.

I know some other fees and expenses can be thrown into the mix before, during, and after a divorce, but I’m just giving you a solid outline of what to expect if you don’t do the proper work to save your marriage.

That proper work isn’t easy, but it’s worth it!

So what’s the cost of saving your marriage?

In my humble but accurate opinion – EVERYTHING!

It will cost you EVERYTHING because divorce is something that will have some kind of impact on every single aspect of your life, no matter how well you utilize your time or compartmentalize your life – I promise you that.

One last thing I want to cover, as much as I work with my clients to help renew their failing marriages, I still believe that divorce is the correct course of action in cases of domestic violence or abuse.

But if a marriage can be saved instead of taking the so-called “Easy way out” by getting a divorce, then it’s the best option for the family, the community, and ultimately the world.

Some words of encouragement – the divorce process is just that, a process. It doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. it doesn’t mean that you’re going to lose everything that you’ve spent years building. This process can actually be called off and dissolved with a simple phone call by the spouse who filed in the first place. Now, I say that with a caveat – certain documents would need to be amended or reamended after they reach a certain stage of processing. For example, if you two have already changed beneficiaries of your life insurance policies, then you would need to reamend those documents if the divorce process is dissolved before it is finalized.

To learn more about my services and how my team and I can help you renew your marriage from the tangible and intangible expenses of divorce, start the process by going here.

We’d be happy to discuss with you how we can help!

Philip Douthett
The Men’s Marriage Mentor