Should We Makeup Then Have Sex Or Have Sex Then Make Up?

Which way is better?

Short answer, both. However, it’s more complicated than that.

Let me explain.

As a married couple, you live together and spend more time together than just about anyone else in your life. Therefore, if the two of you are having minor conflicts and annoyances, then sex before making up is a great way to soften your hearts and springboard that “energy” into making up.

And by that, I mean use sex as a way to make one another feel good both physically and spiritually. It will also make you both feel cared for, loved, and supported.

You see, the physical act of sex puts you both in a mental position where you’re more willing to compromise and listen to each other. In this sense, sex is a tool…NOT a manipulative move.

If sex is used as a manipulation tactic, you’ve got a big problem regarding the connection between you two.

Here’s what I mean by manipulation:
– You’re using sex as a strategy to get your way
– You’re using sex as a way to avoid dealing with situations
– You’re using sex to influence your opinions

However, if your intentions are pure and wholehearted, sex is actually a beautiful tool to bring you closer to one another.

Like I said, sex softens your heart and opens your mind up to be more receptive, a better listener, and takes you into a mental sense of relaxation and resourcefulness.

Now, I’m going to completely flip this around on you. If you two are dealing with a major betrayal such as infidelity or some sort of loss of trust, then I advise you both to makeup first.

After making up, sex can be used as a beautiful uniter in an effort to rekindle the intimacy and passion between you two.

In other words, after trust has been regained and your hearts have healed, even if it’s just a little bit of regained trust and a little bit of a healed heart, then the physicality of sex can be brought into play.

This brings to mind the idea of angry sex.

According to Dr. Janet Brito, a certified sex therapist with the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health, “angry sex is often used as a physical way to resolve the tension between two people.”

She also states that “angry sex could serve as an outlet to express aggression, a way to reconnect and repair after a fight, and serve as an escape from painful feelings.

You must be careful here because angry sex can be misinterpreted as being manipulative, as I mentioned before.

The issue with angry sex and manipulation lies in the fact that this type of sex is less about romance and closeness and more about breaking the rules and crossing new/bad boundaries.

Feelings can get hurt…and so can your bodies.

However, the release of certain “pleasure hormones” can bring you together.

There are 3 main hormones.
1. Serotonin – stabilizes your mood
2. Oxytocin – a neuro-transmitting hormone known as the “love hormone”
3. Dopamine – gives you a hit of excitement & thrill in the situation

After sex, these chemicals make you feel more relaxed and satisfied.
Not only that, you will feel more rational in your thought processes, more willing to work things out, and enhance forgiveness.

In short, sex can help you feel more confident and reestablish that connection after an argument…but the trick lies in knowing the right order.

So, lean on your heart and on your common sense to know the difference between what to do first – either sex or making up. If the first choice you went with doesn’t feel right, stop and do something different.

Trust your heart & soul, NOT your mind & ego.

They’re in constant conflict, but it’s up to you to decipher the difference.