Six Reasons Why You Will Never Be Happy Or Productive In Marriage

Do you set goals but never accomplish them?  Or you never feel satisfied?  Or maybe you feel like there’s something better around the next bend?  Maybe you say to yourself, “When I have enough money…or enough time…or when I retire…or when the kids have moved out…or or or or or…”

You’re suffering from “Sometime Syndrome.”  Meaning that sometime, you’re going to get things done.  Sometime, you’ll finish that project.  Sometime, you’ll start that business that you’ve always dreamed about.  When all the stars align and the gravitational pull is juuuuust right, you’ll act.

Yeah right!

But when will that day actually come?  Maybe never.

You’re wasting away – hoping and praying that a door will open.  But I’m here to tell you that there is no door that will open.  In fact, there is no door.  Any “door” that you are imagining and hoping to open is built by you.  Meaning, you’re putting limitations on your own life.  No one is doing it to you.

You have choices.  And you’re in complete control of those choices.

So, I’m going to be EXTREMELY blunt here and it’s for your benefit.

This is very straight forward.

 

1.  You’re as happy, productive, and wealthy as you want to be right now

You’re making the amount of money you want.  Living in the house/apartment you want to live in.  You may think I’m crazy or that I don’t know what I’m talking about here, but you are exactly where you are because of the choices that you have made up to this very moment.

If you want something to change, you must make the decision to change and then use your common sense and educated mind to figure out the steps and processes needed to take the necessary steps.

You could argue that there have been things that have happened around you or to you that you didn’t plan on or expect, but that shouldn’t surprise you at all.  Life is full of unexpected events and as an adult, I hope that you have the foresight and common sense to have some highly educated guesses as to what may or may not happen…and therefore, know how to plan and respond when such an event does occur.

However, if you’re looking to level-up, then get on board with the idea that you’re going to have to become a different person to do that.  A poor person doesn’t function at the level of a high-producing multimillionaire.  So, whatever level you’re at in your life right now, you’re going to have to level-up your mind in order to level-up your life…and that all starts with you wanting to do so.

 

2.  You’re unwilling to break free from your comfort zone

Ever hear the phrase that “Nothing good comes from comfort zones?”  It’s true!  Sticking to routines and repetitive actions comes natural and feels comforting to us as instinctual human beings.  But, staying within that comfort zone and continuously doing repetitive actions will often lead to discontent.  And that discontent is strictly due to the human need for spontaneity and uncertainty.

In other words, that lack of spontaneity and uncertainty puts your brain into a trance where you eventually zone out, feel unsatisfied, and become way too comfortable in your daily grind.  To reverse this, you must embrace this feeling of discomfort and recognize it as an indication of progress and personal growth.

 

3.  You have no one that will tell you the truth

As a coach, I find this to be extremely important.  If you look at any and all of the greatest athletes or even the Hollywood actors, you will quickly realize that every single one of them has a trainer, coach, and/or mentor of some kind.  Understand that you can only do so much yourself and reach certain levels of success/achievement/happiness on your own, but in order to take yourself to the next level, you’re going to need the wisdom and direction of someone that is specialized in helping you.

So, understand that I’m NOT always going to tell you what you want to hear.  I’m going to focus on the habits, strategies, and directions that will benefit you the most…and sometimes the things I point out will be uncomfortable and frustrating to face.  However, if you never step out of your comfort zone, you will forever be stuck in your ways and therefore getting the same results (or lack of results) that you have been getting up to this point of your life.  If you want something different and new, you have to DO things that are different and new.

 

4.  You have been conditioned and you’re unaware of it

To help you understand this point, think of your mind like a computer.  Right now, you’re running a program within your brain that keeps you at a certain level of success mentally, physically, spiritually, relationally, and emotionally.  And no matter where you are in your life, you keep going back to that known, comfortable, pre-conditioned mental program in an effort to remain comfortable (refer to #3).

Roughly three-quarters of lottery winners, within 2 years of winning, revert back to their lifestyle before they hit the jackpot.  This is often due to do the fact that they had poor financial skills before winning, feelings of fear due to having more money than ever before, and an inability or unwillingness to level-up their lives to accept their new ‘identity.’  There are other reasons but every single one can be traced back to the winner making poor decisions with their winnings.  Your decisions determine your destiny.

 

5.  You have a partial or complete loss of vision in an otherwise normal visible field

These are the things that you don’t see about yourself that other people notice about you.  For example, if you’re someone who talks very quickly, that may feel and seem normal to you, but other people may be turned off by it.

Another example is if you have had a dozen jobs in the last year, it’s not the jobs that are the problem.  It’s you!  You’re the common denominator in this mathematical equation of disappointment.  But because you’re so close to the problem and have a partial loss of future vision, it’s often very challenging to step back and see the issues.

 

6.  Happiness, productivity, and wealth starts with your mindset

Happiness and wealth is a state of being and productivity is a state of doing.  Here’s the deal – if you’re unhappy about something, anything, it’s literally based on your opinion, perspective…mindset.

Here’s where the sh*t hits the fan for most people, especially my clients.

Most people tell themselves that they will be happy and more productive WHEN some event or some goal is met.  In fact, the exact opposite is true.  Your happiness and level of productivity will go up when you CHOOSE.  In other words, you should never make your happiness dependent on something or someone else.  But most people find contentment in merely thinking and dreaming about happiness and wealth without actually doing anything to get there.  This type of thinking keeps you stuck in the same cycle over and over again.

A majority of people just think that they are making progress, creating happiness, and being more productive by imagining the feelings associated with their idea of success.

So, they have become complacent with merely “scratching their itch” by thinking about what they want instead of actually doing something about it – AKA, real activity.

And since productivity is the actual doing part, the real activity, the real action, that’s where the wealth lies.  And no, wealth doesn’t always equate to money.  Sometimes it does because money can buy you things that can make you happy, but it doesn’t but your true meaning, purpose, or love.

In short, productivity is action.  Action leads to progress.  Progress leads to happiness.  Happiness reveals your true wealth.

 

SECRET #7

You must determine who you have to become in order to get where you want to go.  Think about it this way – a rich person doesn’t have the same mindset as a poor person.

Also, a man attempting to save his marriage is going to have a different, and sometimes more frantic mindset, than the man who has a strong and loving marriage.  In order to achieve that strong marriage, it’s easier said than done…but VERY possible.

 

Philip Douthett